The Strutting Cockerel - Flappy, Flappy, pft....

September 2024

OK, so another two games suffered and frankly I feel like I do when I receive an online purchase from Temu. Yeah, not quite what I thought we'd ordered. Thing is, I've bought from Temu before, so, its MY fault for going back to the well......Not Tottenham's for delivering a product that's been so under par to date. What I thought I was getting was the image in my head - an image of halcyon front-foot football, goals and proper defending ... So look, I get it, I really do. My bad, I should know better!

Lets start with the Toon game....

Put your hand up if you know exactly what went wrong at St James'?.....possession was good; some of the inter-play was decent; we created chances; and manufactured half chance after half chance, but still we get mullered! Right..... now put it down again.

The thing is, none of our general play ever seems to be executed with precision or conviction. It's like all the actors know their roles and where to be - just not on match-days and not when it comes to the final third of the pitch. What happens when we go knocking on opportunity's door and there's no answer? - we revert to type - that slow, slow, slower than slow sideways and backwards, lets make possession look like we're playing well nonsense! Doesn't fool me, doesn't fool the rest of this group either. To be fair, we were defending the Toon without too many problems until Harvey Barnes scored - I thought he took his goal really well BTW - lets just say he can have that one! We just look ever-so urghhhhh.... disconnected at times! Like their winner! What the FFFFFlipping Hell was going on there? Udogie got caught walkabouts - and unsuccessfully tried to make up for his ill-timed foray. No one was picking up Isaak - our midfield were fast a bye-byes - thus leaving Toon's only genuine class player to do what he does best!. We played a flat back 4 on the half-way line and for all our 'Banging at the Door' we were made to look the chumps we often are when retreating on the counter (Note: I use the venacular 'we' like each of this group played a part in the disaster, but personally I was into my second cuppa cursing the ether bringing me the pictures by then!)

I want us to get better with the players we have, I have faith - its born out of so many years of disappointment. The reality is, and the doom-mongers seem not to acknowledge this, when one transfer window closes we're stuck with the players we have until the next one opens. So we either improve what we have, or go to market and buy better next time! David Pleat wrote a really good article recently about names he'd recommended to Tottenham as chief scout - players like Toney, Olise and Eze. They were all 18-20-ish at the time. Well, we didn't buy them, and he was 'salty' about that fact. BUT we have bought 2-3 18-20 somethings that may be as good - if not better - no one really knows at that age - but it's how they're developed that makes them worth keeping and a bob or two! What we need (haha! how many Spurs fans are saying this right now?) are proven quality Premier League players in the right positions to allow the up-and-comers to hit their mark. Make no bones, if we ever 'click', teams like the Toon will be in for a hiding more often than not!

Vs. the Arse......

I always get the 'goosies' when the NLD is played at home. The day before, my heart begins to beat with a noticable thud. Media clips showing glorious wins against the old foe turn into 'triumphs over the SCUM'.....Nervous anticipation about how long it'll be before we concede, gets forgotten, and hopes that 'real men' will turn up to do battle are envisioned in my head.

Anyone else feel short-changed?

For me, the Referee killed this game as a spectacle. Yellow card after yellow card for grievous bodily handshaking, that's what it felt like. There wasn't really a true North London Derby tackle in the whole 90-odd minutes. Such was the officiating, this game ebbed and flowed atmospheric mediocrity. Again, we played OK - nothing earth shatteringly brilliant, but OK. Discounting 'if, buts, and maybe's' we could easily have been a couple of goals up by half time - but(!) yet again, all that faffing about around their box when we had the ball, made us look like a bunch of clueless Handball players. No one can convince me that an attacking midfielder facing their own goal passing back and forth to the centre-back with 5 mins to play, is really executing a strategy to win the game. Leaving any positive outcome down to chance or opposition error isn't a game plan - testament being that neither happened on Sunday.

OK, the Woolwich defended stoutly and had no intention of getting into us. Here's the crux though, they didn't need to. Teams have now worked out (and we haven't - yet!) that when they break out, do it at pace and be direct.... then we'll go all a quiver. On attack the Arse simply switched play from one side of the pitch to the other - pulled our defenders out of whatever comfort zone we thought we had, and spanked us good and proper, making their one or two chances each half look like a pre-planned military-led Panzer attack. We weren't (and haven't been) that good at reading these plays, but moreover, we haven't been in position to thwart them either - so it always looks worse than it is..to fix.....he says, without yet having mentioned the 'Flappy, Flappy' problem we have in goal. The Arse weren't up to much, just a tad above average in fact (yet we're the ones sat licking our wounds!).

While Brennan Johnson is trying to ignore the vitriol from the bandwagon of mindless online morons, there's another player garnering his fair share of criticism. Old Mr Flappy really does need to spend the next International break in the Gym growing a pair.....of shoulders. OK, Cuti cut a mere average figure this game, and was far too easily nudged off the ball for the goal - but c'mon.......you need your keeper to arrive like a run-away steam train, flared nostrils, both fists - leaving one on the attacker, and a knee in the mid-rift to boot, especially in his own domain - the 6 yard box! Instead, we got a Tom Daley synchronised backwards flip - still in motion, whilst the ball nestled in the back of the net. And this isn't the first time.

So this month's opportunity for most improved player goes to Flaps Vicario....It's a 9.9 for the back flip from me. But please Guglielmo, practice defending bloody corners above all else - we need you to be big and brave - you can do it!!

COYS!

Richard

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