THANK GOD THAT'S OVER

September 5, 2016

This post has been coming for a while. And apologies in advance because it is going to be a bit ranty and angry-bitch-face. But I have a confession to make…..

 

I HATE THE TRANSFER WINDOW.

 

HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.

 

Too much?

 

Well I feel better now anyway. Here are five reasons the transfer window is a bit like being stuck in those circles of Hell that some guy called Dante banged on about.

 

1. The endless questions
I imagine this must be what having a toddler is like. You know when a two-year-old asks his mum the same thing 17 times in a row? And then when you give him an answer he then comes back with “But whyyyyyy?”
THAT is what the transfer window is like on Twitter. Every day during the window I can absolutely guarantee there will be at least one question asking for either;
a) an update on x player’s move
b) is it true that x player is on his way out
c) (and my personal favourite) is there any news

 

Every. Single. Day.

 

Now don’t get me wrong – I love chatting to people about what’s happening with our club (That’s Spurs by the way, just in case I’ve been too subtle about it. Ahem), about who’s going in or out, about Levy’s masterplan.

 

BUT. There is a limit.

 

Especially if I’ve already tweeted out some news or even worse I’ve already said there’s nothing new to say. Every single window I make the point at various times that “if there’s something to tell you I WILL tweet it” and yet still people persist in asking pointless questions that I either don’t have answers to or have already answered. That doesn’t mean I don’t want people to tweet – just mayyyyybe check my earlier tweets before you ask the same question that’s already been answered 7 times (that day).

 

2. Transfers are complicated
This one is probably the thing that makes me tear my hair out more than any of the others. If I had a pound for every time someone had said to me “we’ve agreed a fee for x – that means he’s signed for Spurs woop!!” I would most definitely have enough money for my own private stretch of Sandbanks.
BREAKING NEWS: Agreeing a fee does NOT mean you’ve got a new player. At all.
Neither do any of the following mean a player has signed:
– clubs are in talks
– agent is speaking to club
– player is speaking to club
– player has agreed terms
– player has passed a medical
ALL of the above need to happen for a player to sign. And any one of these things can make a deal collapse before it’s done. Which brings me nicely on to my next point…..

 

3. Things DO change
So picture this: You’re at home, with your flatmate/significant other/dog, and you decide to head out for coffee. You tell your beloved (or furry friend) that you fancy a cappuccino, you might even get a brownie while you’re there.

 

Off you head to the swanky coffee shop. When you get there they’re out of brownies, but they do have an offer on a sexy little salted caramel latte. So you change your mind. Yes you’ve missed out on the brownie, but the salted caramel is a definite upgrade on the skinny cap.
Back home you head, and when you get there your significant other notices that you’ve not bought what you SAID you were going to buy. You’ve in fact bought something completely different.

 

YOU DIRTY LITTLE LIAR. HOW DARE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU WANTED screams your flatmate before slamming the door in a fit of rage.

 

No? You mean your flatmate just accepted that you’d changed your mind about what you were drinking and you didn’t bring back a brownie because they were sold out rather than because you had some elaborate brownie-con going on? Of COURSE they did. Because as every rational human being knows plans change and people change all the time.

 

But that’s not allowed in the transfer window. Oh no. God forbid a player changes his mind about his destination. Or a club changes their mind about spending £30m. Or an agent KOs the deal because he’s not getting enough money. No it’s clearly all the fault of the lying journalist. Or if I’m not lying then I’m so stupid that I actually have no idea whatsoever what I’m talking about. Of course.

 

4. Twitter ain’t a source
I’ll keep this one short and sweet because the title kind of says it all.
“SOURCES” DOES NOT MEAN TWITTER.
Sources can mean the player, the player’s agent, one or both of the clubs involved, a friend or family member of the player, even the player’s hairdresser. Or Stormzy (if you’re Paul Pogba)
A tweet from some 15-year-0ld in their bedroom calling themselves Agent ITK?
NOT a source.
And no we don’t publicise who they are. Because then they’d never tell us anything.

 

 

5. My source is better than your source…. and other nastiness
I appreciate that this will make me sound like a complete wuss but bloody hell people can be mean during the window. And I’m not just talking about the fans (although christ there’s some nasty pieces of work among them).

Other journalists can sometimes be just as bad.

I realise it’s a competitive business and we’re all trying to be first and fastest but is there ANY need to go all superbitch about it?! (and that’s just the guys).
Personally I’ve never suggested another journalist is misguided, misinformed or just plain stupid. I accept that different sources will tell different journalists different things. It’s what makes the transfer window such a bloody difficult thing to work on. So is it too much to ask that everyone is a bit less of a knob about it?!

 

If you’ve made it to the end of all that you are a HERO. THANK YOU.

The relief at finally getting that down on paper (well, screen, but you know what I mean) does actually feel like a weight off my shoulders.

I promise to return to my (mostly) cheery self soon. Because I DO know how lucky I am to be doing this job.

Just someone do me a favour and remind me of that when this all starts again in January.

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